“A heart has no shape, no limits. That’s why you can put almost any kind of thing in it, why it can hold so much.” Yoko Ogawa

 
 

IFS Therapy

What is Internal Family Systems?

Have you ever seen Pixar’s Inside Out? In that movie, the protagonist Riley has a “family” of parts living inside of her, Joy, Anger, Disgust, Sadness, and Fear. While Riley may be the protagonist, the movie is really about the relationships and journeys of these five characters that live inside of her.

Inside Out is a Pixar embodiment of IFS (or Internal Family Systems) therapy. Also referred to as “parts work”, “healing my inner child”, or “shadow work”, IFS proposes that all of us are living with a family of parts inside us. IFS says that these parts are in relationship, not only with each other, but also with us. Just as with any other relationship, these relationships with our parts can be healthy, fulfilling, and loving, or they can be painful, harmful, or dysfunctional. At its core, IFS is a practice of building a healthy and loving relationship with yourself.

 

The Self and Our Parts

The Self

We are all born with an inner immutable Self. This Self is a concept that exists in many different cultures across the world, and is referred to as the Soul, Inner Light, Highest Being, Highest Self, or Innate Being. Self Energy is when we feel absolutely connected to our own Self - filled with our own wisdom, intuition, peace, clarity, and calm. Self Energy is when we are able to feel infinite capacity, even when our life circumstances may feel overwhelming and unbearable. It is the “deep ground of our being”. The Self is pure unadulterated compassion, kindness, and acceptance of our being.

The 8 C’s of Self Energy

  • compassion

  • curiosity

  • clarity

  • creativity

Our Parts

  • calm

  • confidence

  • courage

  • connectedness

On the other hand, we develop Parts throughout our lives. Some Parts are given to us, via intergenerational trauma, while others are developed through our lived experiences. Parts are full-feeling beings, capable of a range of emotions and thoughts. They all have their own history, background, and preferred ways of being seen and understood.

Common IFS Parts

  • Anxious Parts

  • Perfectionist Parts

  • Critical Parts

  • Solution Seeker Parts

  • Self Harming/Suicidal Parts

  • Avoidant Parts

  • “I’m a bad person” Parts

  • Self Loathing Parts

  • Obsessive Parts

  • Controlling Parts

  • Wounded Child Parts

  • Angry Parts

  • Highly Sensitive Parts

  • Cognitive/Overthinking Parts

  • Disassociated Parts

Living with Parts is not a bad or pathological thing. Rather, it’s a very natural part of the human experience, and it happens all the time. While living with Parts is natural and can help you, it can also sometimes hurt you. Parts can even get so stuck that they begin to block our access to our inner Soul, and distancing us from our inner compassionate, kind, warm sense of being.

No Bad Parts

If you’ve ever felt out of control while your parts took over, it may be hard to believe that there are no such things as bad parts. After all, if a part causes us to lash out against our loved ones, push them away, or make us hurt ourselves, how can they be good?

But IFS has a different approach to these parts. Rather than labeling them as ‘bad’, IFS views them as parts that are stuck or hurting. These parts don’t have the intention to hurt you. They are just trying to get their own needs met, sometimes with behaviors that ultimately end up hurting you in the process.

Our parts don’t want to cause us pain or difficulties. If they knew another way to get their needs met, they would. But since they don’t yet know how to do that, they just do what they know. It’s time to be on the same side as our hurting parts, not view them as the ‘bad’ enemy.

How Does IFS Work?

Your IFS journey will start with getting familiar with your current parts - their histories, their origins, their burdens, and their desires. Each part is unique, which means we need to take the time to get to know each individual part. And if our parts have been demonized and shamed, it may take a while for them to trust us and to be vulnerable with us.

But when we’re finally able to see our parts with compassion, calm, connectedness, and curiosity, we’re then able to help them. Do they need your help to unburden a trauma that they’ve been holding onto for many years? Or do they need to share with you their fears, worries, and anxieties? Whatever it may be, you’ll be able to give them the care that they have been waiting for.

IFS and You

Throughout the IFS journey, you’ll learn the practice of an actively loving relationship with yourself; one with compassion, kindness, care, and tenderness. You’ll be able to understand your parts for the burdens they carry, rather than feel hopeless for the way they are stuck in hurtful patterns. You’ll be able to experience a connection with yourself that is inherently healing and liberating, and experience what it’s like to be confident in your own inner light and wisdom.

If you’re curious about what living a life full of connection, calm, compassion, and clarity may be like, please contact us to schedule a consultation.